Crazy World

Don't even know why I've titled this post crazy world but it came to me so i put it there. Maybe its my subconscious trying to tell me something. Its been a bit of a crazy time alright. I'm feeling a bit whirlwinded. Is that even a word ??huuuuummmm, me thinks not.

I feel like I'm been torn in like ten different directions, with no end in sight. Well of course there is an end in sight, it'll mostly end when my contract with work is up but then again that presents its whole other set of issues doesn't it? I'm finding it really hard to drag myself out of my negative..........what??? vibe would you say???........frame of mind? maybe.

Anyway I'm stuck in my head a lot recently & its very crowded in there. I'm not really sure what to do I feel stuck full stop. Frustrated. There's a good word for it.

It feels very selfish of me to be so self absorbed but its pretty hard not to be right now & then of course I beat myself up about that, which doesn't altogether help.

I'm tired of worrying. I'm tired out by worrying and the worst part is I'm so lucky in so many regards but I can't help worrying. I worry about everything & its so tiring. I wish I could find the gene that would turn that off :o) A little worry is ok but alot? not so much.

But there is nothing to be done I'm at the mercy of time/fate/whatever it is? at the moment. I'm trying to be positive but I'm finding it so so so hard.

If anyone is of the praying kind, say a little one for me will ya please? Thanks so much. Hopefully it'll all be sorted soon.

Hope everyone else is doing good though.

PS sorry bout the rant, well more like a whinge but if I can't do it on my own blog where else :o) poor S's ear is probably worn out by now :oD

Monday again

And another Monday rolls around & for that matter another month has passed now that I'm looking at my last blog post date. Oh well.

You know I was just thinking who ever invented the 5 day work week?? they should have been shot haha. Now a four day work week would be nice of course I'd have to earn the same for it to be a perfect world but that ain't gonna happen :o)

Wishful thinking on a Monday, sure what can you do?

Well no news really, still don't know whats happening with my job/visa which is a bit frustrating. I'd just like to know either way so I can DO something. This whole waiting business is not my strong point.

We have a few options at least. We could go to New Zealand for awhile if the visa here doesn't work out. or we're thinking about Canada too, I'd really like to go & work there for awhile, don't' know how visas & that work for there yet but I' might check it out. I know that change is good & we need it to survive really but I'd like to know the facts so I can make some decisions.

Anyways on to more randoms things. I got my hair cut yesterday, it has been doing my head in for awhile so decided to go a little shorter than just getting a trim. So its cut to about my jawline with a few layers, I'm liking it so far but I'll reserve judgement until I wash & dry it myself. It was great at home cos my cousin was a hairdresser & she used to cut my hair & I always loved it but I'm finding it hard to find a good hairdresser here. I suppose just trial & error.

Now that I'm thinking about the whole possibility of travelling, I'm getting excited. I love travelling & seeing new places & I'm good with doing it on a budget. So I suppose that's a good thing that at least whichever way the fates or whatever decide to play my cards I should be ok with it. So, trying to be positive.

S's friends are visiting Australia for a few weeks, they'll be in Sydney next Thurs. He's really excited about it, its a childhood friend of his & his wife. I don't' know them that well but should be good. We can take them out & show them the city. Sydney really is a nice city.

Anyway better go & do some work.

Hope you have a great week & think of something that makes you smile today. :o)

I'm smiling.

A little touch up

Now that its Autumn & I've had the same blog colour for a year thought I'd do a little touch up. What da yay think?

Thoughts

Thoughts are funny things really, well that's if they can be called things at all but not getting into that whole thing. :o)

So I'm feeling bit more human I went to meditation on wed & to the gym Tue & yesterday & I was so amazed at how much I'd gotten out of shape even in 2 months since I've been. But anyway I'm feeling better which is good. I feel like I'm getting proper sleep or should i say more restful sleep which always helps. I hate having to drag myself out of bed Its so much nicer to wake up with some semblance of energy & be able to move.

Anyway back to the thoughts, I was in the gym yesterday & I was running on the treadmill & I was doing ok, tired but going ok & then out of nowhere my brain starts with the ' i can't do anymore' thoughts & nearly immediately I started to fatigue, isn't that mad? I'd felt fine like 2 seconds previous it really brought home to me how much our thoughts effect us. I've been watching the Australian biggest loser & the trainer go on about getting thru the mental barrier & I hadn't ever really thought about it til then. It just goes to show you.

So that got me thinking of how I've been feeling so stressed & under pressure in work etc & maybe if I start thinking about it in a more positive way (not sure yet how) but it might seem a little less overwhelming. So thats my project for the next while we'll see how we go.

I'm in work on lunch listening to Pink(the first of my de-stressing initiatives ie taking a lunch break), I really love her music i really can identify with a lot of it. I'm so glad she's getting back with her hubbie. We have tickets to see her in Sydney in Jun I'm so excited she's supposed to be brilliant in concert. You see....trying to think of good stuff :o).

Anyway I'm glad its Friday I've loads of study to catch up with this weekend cos it has been suffering with being so busy in work but I've exams in like 6 weeks so need to get my ass in gear. oh the joy but it'll all be worth it in the end,(think I'll need to use that as a mantra) :oD

Hope you all have a brilliant weekend & remember keep smiling.

So up in the air

I'm feeling a bit crushed by all the work pressure I've been under for the past month. Just really flattened really. Just when I think its coming to an end or well at least a bit of a let up, something else comes up to take up more time. I've never been so busy or stressed in a job in my life before & I have to say I'm really hating it. Not the job so much as the stress I've been under. I don't do stress well.

I feel like my life has gone totally out of balance with not enough down time to balance out the madness that is my work life recently. I'm getting bit sick of it.

On top of that it looks like our parent company is going to be outsourcing the reporting side of our org so that will leave me out of a job on 1st July. So its even harder to motivate myself to do stuff when I know I'm going to be let go anyway. That's not even the thing that's worrying me, what worrying me is my visa is a work sponsored visa so if I'm no longer employed by this company I no longer will have a valid visa to stay in Australia. The dept of immigration only give you 28 days to find another sponsor. Which even finding a job in that time is hard. At least I've found out well in advance, I know loads of people who've found out their jobs are going at the end of the day so in that respect I count myself lucky.

But its all very depressing really & a bit of a pain. I don't know what to do I'd be happy to go home but S likes it here & wants to stay but not sure if I can go through the hassle of applying for another visa, it really is a long a tedious paper pushing exercise & patience & nerves get stretched to the limits. I really don't know what to do.

Also one of my best friends is getting married in Sept & I'd love so much to get home for it but if I apply for a visa & its still being processed I'll have to apply for a bridging visa & one of the stipulations is I can't leave the country so that makes it really crappy.

oh what to do what to do? I really feel like my mind is spinning out of control. Its more that everything is so up in the air & I'm not really sure where the chips will land so I feel like I can't plan anything. I feel so powerless & I hate that. I need to shake it off. I'm going to the gym after work & it'll be the first time in ages but I think it'll really help I need to work off some steam.

Anyway hope you all are doing well, I'm trying to catch up on all my blog reading, I'm so behind.

Keep smiling :o)

A blog Year

Wow I realised I passed my year blogging anniversary & forgot about it totally. A year of my life has passed. What have i done with my life? Most people do this kind of thinking at New years me i find myself doing it at blogs new year ;o) well i never said i was normal.

Well I still have the same job but a lot more responsibility, in the current climate I'm thankful I still have a job. I've visited Melbourne, Brisbane & Canberra this past year, just short breaks but good. Oh and Adelaide nearly forgot that was last weekend. Had great time. I'll post about it soon. I've aged a year :o) I haven't killed my husband yet, always a good sign :oD I've done a photography class, I've taken exams. UUUU I went home of course how could I forget, friends & family have had babies this past year. I've made some new friends here. I've read a lot, learned a bit. Laughed a lot, cried a lot. Life huh its funny. I've seen a good bit of New South Wales. I've learnt why its called New South Wales or well the several possible reasons. I've gotten more organised at home & work. I've improved my diet(although its slipped a bit this past month), I've exercised more. I've learned to love myself a bit more but its a work in progress.

Its nice to look back on a year & even though you know it was hard at the time the memories that come to mind first are the good memories. I like that. I read somewhere recently that thinking about the bad things that happened before means you are reliving them. Made me think about that it did. So I'm trying to be more positive. I have found that i can be quite negative, unintentionally but I am.

Anyway a few random thoughts for today.

Passing the Purple Hat to You........

This is another email forward I got, it made me think but mostly made me grateful so I'd thought I'd share it & feel free to pass it on to another phenomenal woman(or man).







Passing the Purple Hat to You........IN honor of women's history month and in memory of Erma Bombeck who lost her fight with cancer. Pass this on to five women that you want watched over. If you don't know five women to pass this on to, one will do just fine.

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck?(written after she found out she was dying from cancer).?

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.'

There would have been more 'I love you's' More 'I'm sorry's.

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute.look at it and really see it...... live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us!

If you don't mind, send this on to all the women you are grateful to have as friends. Maybe we should all grab that purple hat earlier. Please send this to five phenomenal women today in celebration of Beautiful Women's Month. If you do, something good will happen--you will boost another woman's self esteem.

Have a great day :o) & give someone you love a BIG hug.