Crazy World

Don't even know why I've titled this post crazy world but it came to me so i put it there. Maybe its my subconscious trying to tell me something. Its been a bit of a crazy time alright. I'm feeling a bit whirlwinded. Is that even a word ??huuuuummmm, me thinks not.

I feel like I'm been torn in like ten different directions, with no end in sight. Well of course there is an end in sight, it'll mostly end when my contract with work is up but then again that presents its whole other set of issues doesn't it? I'm finding it really hard to drag myself out of my negative..........what??? vibe would you say???........frame of mind? maybe.

Anyway I'm stuck in my head a lot recently & its very crowded in there. I'm not really sure what to do I feel stuck full stop. Frustrated. There's a good word for it.

It feels very selfish of me to be so self absorbed but its pretty hard not to be right now & then of course I beat myself up about that, which doesn't altogether help.

I'm tired of worrying. I'm tired out by worrying and the worst part is I'm so lucky in so many regards but I can't help worrying. I worry about everything & its so tiring. I wish I could find the gene that would turn that off :o) A little worry is ok but alot? not so much.

But there is nothing to be done I'm at the mercy of time/fate/whatever it is? at the moment. I'm trying to be positive but I'm finding it so so so hard.

If anyone is of the praying kind, say a little one for me will ya please? Thanks so much. Hopefully it'll all be sorted soon.

Hope everyone else is doing good though.

PS sorry bout the rant, well more like a whinge but if I can't do it on my own blog where else :o) poor S's ear is probably worn out by now :oD

That kind of a day

You know the one I mean don't you?

The one where you get up & all seems fine, perfectly normal day. You go about your business knowing nothing of the way its going to turn out. Well I'm having that day & its only 10.30am. I am so pissed off right now. I'm sick of this job & the people here. You know its funny cos it wasn't anything big that happened today & if I told you it as just a one off you'd be like 'what? that's nothing' & I know that. Cos when I hear myself saying it out loud(had a bit of a rant to S about it) it sounds so lame & I'm thinking what am i getting myself worked up about. But I think it was just the straw that broke the camels back. I'm so in tune with that saying right now its not funny. Its the accumulation of all the little things that have been happening to piss me off here that have just avalanched & broken the dam for me today. THANK GOD its Fri so i can relax & maybe come back on Monday.

I tell you I am so tempted to just walk. If it wasn't for the crap economy & worrying about getting another job with loans, debts etc to pay I'd be outta here. Its so not worth the agro, life is too short. This is not what we're put here to do. AAAHHHHHHHHHHH

Ok feel bit better, but I'm going from feeling angry & want to hurt something to wanting to curl up in a ball & cry & eat chocolate. We're going to play squash this evening so that'll be so good for me I can just bash the crap out of the ball instead.

There is one guy here, a middle aged man, in his fifties anyway, not married & I normally get on really well with him but the last week or so he's been really weird not sure if its just with me or everyone. Maybe mid-life crisis or something. He's the one that started my crap day over something so small & insignificant its not even worth mentioning. Some things that are so small he takes so seriously. You know now that I'm thinking its like he needs to feel important or something, you know what I mean. But he''ll step on you to do it, to make himself feel big. Oh I don't know I don't get it.

Well really sorry for crappy day kind of a post, I hope you all are having a much better day & after all its the weekend so SMILE. :oD