I've come to my blog every day this past week in order to write something & I look at a blank screen &.................nothing. What’s up with that? I’ve also been busy reading other peoples blogs & discovering the blogging world in general.
I've had loads of ideas in the past week, usually when I'm walking home so don't write them down which is what I usually try to do cos otherwise I forget.
So come to the screen ........ nothing....total blank....am I really that boring I ask myself?
& what am I writing today? about not having anything to write!!! Go figure.
I have been pondering on what I wanted from this blog cos obviously no point in continuing if I'm not getting anything out of it. It started by wanting to help others, then it became about helping me then it sort of meandered into what I'm up to on a daily basis. What was my point again? Oh yes the point of the blog..........hhhuuummmmm, it’s supposed to be an outlet for me i suppose but then I get caught up in what should I write or add or not add.
Although in a way I suppose that is revealing about myself, that I'm confused! LOL. I want to learn about myself & I think I just did.....hhhuuuuummmmm.....refreshing.
Ok so what can I do to 'un'confused myself or should I say find out what’s causing it so I can fix it.
Well I know I've been really busy these past few weeks & ‘me’ time is down to nil, studying has been getting to me cos I know I'm not doing enough so that's stressing me. My healthy diet has somewhat stalled which is annoying me & exercise?????? What’s that??
I feel like there is not enough hours in the day & I'm feeling totally over-whelmed......grrrrrrr.
The funny thing is I'm aware of feeling this but haven't been able to pull myself out of it yet that’s what frustrating me, I wish I could stop time for a day or two chill out & get back to the madness. But if I do that I’ll just get more behind with the madness. Its motivation that is missing, I’ve lost my motivation or enthusiasm for everything at the moment.
I hate being negative/lethargic, it doesn't feel like me if you know what I mean. Another thing is they've let 2 people go in work this week & I've been feeling so bad for them. I guess it brings to mind what if it was me? Depressing.
So I digress, what was I talking about again? hold on need to re-read what I wrote................. ok so yes confusion. I've suffered with depression a lot in the past & was on medication for a few years but that was a good while ago but it was one of the things I hated so much about that time in my life was the loss of concentration. I think I might be having a small dose of that now. I think because I haven't had to deal with it for awhile I’ve lost track of what my coping skills were or what things I used to do back then to help me. hhhuuuuummmm thoughtful.......yes it makes sense.
I've found it’s a mixture of a lot of factors that’s used to contribute to the depression & I've noticed a few similarities when I read back through my musings here. It’s just been so long since I had a bad ‘bout’ that I thought I was ‘cured’. Which is stupid even for me to think cos it’s a state of being. I’ve forgotten that its easy to slip bad into unhealthy patterns of behaviour & all it takes is a combination of them & for an extended period of time to cause a re-lapse/re-occurrence, not really sure what the correct term is. But I so don’t want to go back to feeling like that again, it was hell & I’ve come so far since those days.
But you know what? getting this out really does help, I hate that it was negativity I vowed I would have a bright & cheery blog but hey if it helps then who cares?
I've had loads of ideas in the past week, usually when I'm walking home so don't write them down which is what I usually try to do cos otherwise I forget.
So come to the screen ........ nothing....total blank....am I really that boring I ask myself?
& what am I writing today? about not having anything to write!!! Go figure.
I have been pondering on what I wanted from this blog cos obviously no point in continuing if I'm not getting anything out of it. It started by wanting to help others, then it became about helping me then it sort of meandered into what I'm up to on a daily basis. What was my point again? Oh yes the point of the blog..........hhhuuummmmm, it’s supposed to be an outlet for me i suppose but then I get caught up in what should I write or add or not add.
Although in a way I suppose that is revealing about myself, that I'm confused! LOL. I want to learn about myself & I think I just did.....hhhuuuuummmmm.....refreshing.
Ok so what can I do to 'un'confused myself or should I say find out what’s causing it so I can fix it.
Well I know I've been really busy these past few weeks & ‘me’ time is down to nil, studying has been getting to me cos I know I'm not doing enough so that's stressing me. My healthy diet has somewhat stalled which is annoying me & exercise?????? What’s that??
I feel like there is not enough hours in the day & I'm feeling totally over-whelmed......grrrrrrr.
The funny thing is I'm aware of feeling this but haven't been able to pull myself out of it yet that’s what frustrating me, I wish I could stop time for a day or two chill out & get back to the madness. But if I do that I’ll just get more behind with the madness. Its motivation that is missing, I’ve lost my motivation or enthusiasm for everything at the moment.
I hate being negative/lethargic, it doesn't feel like me if you know what I mean. Another thing is they've let 2 people go in work this week & I've been feeling so bad for them. I guess it brings to mind what if it was me? Depressing.
So I digress, what was I talking about again? hold on need to re-read what I wrote................. ok so yes confusion. I've suffered with depression a lot in the past & was on medication for a few years but that was a good while ago but it was one of the things I hated so much about that time in my life was the loss of concentration. I think I might be having a small dose of that now. I think because I haven't had to deal with it for awhile I’ve lost track of what my coping skills were or what things I used to do back then to help me. hhhuuuuummmm thoughtful.......yes it makes sense.
I've found it’s a mixture of a lot of factors that’s used to contribute to the depression & I've noticed a few similarities when I read back through my musings here. It’s just been so long since I had a bad ‘bout’ that I thought I was ‘cured’. Which is stupid even for me to think cos it’s a state of being. I’ve forgotten that its easy to slip bad into unhealthy patterns of behaviour & all it takes is a combination of them & for an extended period of time to cause a re-lapse/re-occurrence, not really sure what the correct term is. But I so don’t want to go back to feeling like that again, it was hell & I’ve come so far since those days.
But you know what? getting this out really does help, I hate that it was negativity I vowed I would have a bright & cheery blog but hey if it helps then who cares?
So hopefully I'll be back tomorrow with some sort of plan of action, need to think about it this evening & write a list, I remember that was one thing that really used to help get me sorted.
So other than that I hope you all are having a better day.
4 comments:
You know, it's hard to come to Blogger and expect to write award-winning entries every time. You just have to have something to inspire you to write, or, even less, you just need to have something in your heart to express in order to make this Blogger function to your benefit, or make it worthwhile. Don't feel pressured to write something. Sometimes, it's beneficial enough to just read others and their stories. There are so many wonderful tales to be read on here! It's just one of the things that keep me coming back for more.
hi there
thx for that, yeah i totally agree & i love reading others' blogs & reading their stories. The thing is that i do have loads of things bouncing around in my head to write but when i want them to come out...nothing. thats whats frustrating. Ah well i suppose if we could all have inspiration on demand the world would be a better place. LOL
I could have written this piece too, Ciara. I was putting it down to the weather or time of year, coming out of winter and all that, but you are just finishing summer.
I wonder if it's something to do with general weather patterns as it is quite a common theme on the blogs (well the one's I'm reading) at the moment. Either that or world wide stress is descending, although what I've got to be stressed about I really don't know.
I do hope you are feeling lots better and motivation is returning.
Deborah
Hi Deborah
Thanks for that, yes I've been wondering if its the weather change myself. I've been reading a lot of blogs with similar entries so thats actually really helped me to know its not just me.
Maybe its the change in seasons, me to winter & you to spring?
But yes starting to feel more myself, thank God & thank you so much for the encouraging words.
Ciara
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